I was organizing my external when I came upon a gold mine of spoken word that I've collected over the past years. One which caught my attention dramatically due to message it delivered and the use I had for it...
"Dahil sa i'yo" by Erica.
Dahil sa i'yo was probably the last thing you said to me as we took off on that DC 10 from the Philippines bound for America. Dahil sa i'yo, because of me, because of mommy did you decide to come. You were the first in your town to join the US Navy and you had no idea what that had in store for you or me. You didn’t count on the time we went through the drive through and had to say the order four times because they couldn’t decipher your broken English, while I sank lower and lower in the back seat as you wrestled with your tongue to say “french fries” instead of “prench pries.” You didn’t count on being regulated to a galley cook, because that’s what all good Filipino boys were allowed to do. You didn’t count on me wishing you were like my friends parents because they spoke good English, they could relate to my problems as an American teenager, and they invited me over for supper and things like the movies and Busch Gardens. And you never said anything to my friends. You just sat in your chair, said “Hi.” and then silence…You didn’t count on me longing for the day you and mom would come to your senses and cook mashed potatoes and Salisbury stake instead of fried lumpia and chicken adobo. You never counted on me wishing my last name was different because it didn’t sound American enough and none of the teachers knew how to pronounce it on the first day of school. You didn’t count on me wishing I failed all of my classes because you would always say “Study Erica. Erica go to your room and study. Study Erica instead of watching TV Erica don’t forget to study, Erica I want you to study, study, study.” I just wanted to scream off the top of my lungs “Shut up and leave me alone. This is not the Philippines!” You never counted on me wishing I could run away because my curfew was 11 and I wasn’t allowed to date until I was 18. I never understood why you pushed me so hard and why you and mommy didn’t change as I had hoped. And still you worked and worked and worked to provide for me the best you could. Forgive me father for I have sinned. I have placed myself before you. Daddy, it was because of me, wasn’t it? Daddy, I understand why you came to America and why you act the way you do. It’s because of me. Dahil sa i'yo.
