and i wonder.. if you know.. what it means...

I woke up this morning realizing that life is so abstract, we see things one way and then the next so different. What you see is completely different from what I see. What you feel about the situation could be completely different from what I feel. We're like two people fighting over what's right and what's wrong.

Honestly, I've been going through this ridiculous time, it really is impossible, it feels impossible to me. Like, I'm starting to lose myself or lose my soul.. Could it be possible to lose yourself in a situation that you cannot find yourself at all? I've got so many questions to whether I am or am not doing the right thing.

Im lost in the sauce, everyone else seems so happy and content but myself I've gone below, under myself I'm lost and afraid, my hopes and dreams feel broken. Happiness is somewhere, something, someone that I cannot grasp..




"What the hell is this.." - Ryan

PETA the Epiphany of Man...

Hear me out on this one kids. The other day I was reading an article on Peta.. you know the fanatical extremist organization which thrives on matters concerning animals and animals only.

When concerning animals I entirely mean concerning animals, their thoughts on human life apparently varies.

Situation 1: In 2003 PETA President Ingrid Newkirk sent Yasser Arafat a letter following an incident in which a donkey, laden with explosives, was intentionally blown up... she begged him to "leave the animals out of this conflict."

Situation 2: A similar letter was sent to Sri Lankan terrorist group Tamil Tigers following a bombing that hit a zoo. When asked by the Washington Post why she didn't ask to stop the killing of humans also... she explained "It's not my business to inject myself into human wars."

Ryan's answer situation 1: So what do you agree on, obviously in a time of war certain matters are taken to fight.. obviously.. In my own personal opinion if I was desperate to use a donkey to fight a war I suppose it would seem ethical at the time.

Ryan's answer situation 2: So her loyalties lay only with animals I see. It's amazing that her business is to the animals at the zoo and not to the several people injured and the twelve murdered... I'm saddened when people have lost faith in the human race.

Let's put it in this sense, say a loved one of the President of PETA was at the zoo and that person was one of the victims at the Zoo bombing. Think to this.. are those animals as important to her now or her own loved one? Would human life matter then to her? Would the conflict affect her.

Ridiculous... Life is just ridiculous.



"Coca Cola.... " - Ryan

"xerox" "xerox" "xeroX" strive to be a bit different...

This might sound so familiar; but I question so much "Why am I waking up this very morning? As if I were meant to do something special or perhaps I myself maybe special."

It's that same old recurring life. We wake up, go to work, come home and prepare for the next day. We work to pay our debts; our credit cards, and our bills. Life feels so "Xerox", we're all of copy of a copy of a copy. Sometimes I recall that scene that I saw in the theater, the movie was "Wanted", it was when he put his card in the atm and realized he had less than twenty dollars in his account. He must have been having a bummed out day.

Is this what we are? Robots? Machines that do what we have to do to get by? Contemplating things we think matter though they do not? I've known so many people rush through life's river trying to grab hold of the rocks only to create a dam to control it's directions. The inevitable fact falls upon them when their dam breaks and anarchy succumbs to them as they are rushing once again with the river.

"Got with the flow." That's been around for so long but do we honestly get the gist of it?

Watched the "Dark Knight" for possibly the first time since I saw it so many many times while it was in theaters. What strikes me most about movie is when the Joker talks to Harvey Dent while in the hospital. He explains that he's just there to show the "schemers" how pathetic it is that they try to control their little worlds. Taking that out of context and placing it into a less sociopathic humor, it honestly does make sense.

How do we prevent ourselves from being "schemers" and just trying to live? Not worrying about things that will come and things that will go. Time will pass and slip through our fingers while we work and try to pay of that one amazing debt, but are we grabbing some of that time to take in some fresh air and just live? Not be a "Xerox"?

"Introduce a little bit of anarchy." - Joker

Random Ideals..

It's strange the obvious motion of certain things, how simple movements that are created with a single touch can show so much emotion. A leaf could be floating out in the air and just flying looking so bored and hopeless, but what you don't notices is the peace that surrounds it. The wind doesn't blow it strong enough to break or weak enough no settle, it's a simple motion of peace.

Shaking a hand or hugging, possess an amazing structure of reliance. It's an amazing compliment of affection. A noteworthy alliance of smiles to make and smiles to come.

I feel as if my own goals are perceived through a certain motion of thought. I'm just looking for the right way of passage, the one that leads to a guaranteed success. Though what exactly is success? Why do we choose to question our inevitable fate of what we do or what we become?

Sitting in a Starbucks listening to a continuous track of delicate jazz, I'm struck by the sense of a simple violinist's style, so peaceful and easy. So beautiful and uplifting, so melodic and justified. It's tranquil like a kiss would be, soft in touch as if moving closer to a girl for that one simple.. "perfect" kiss. I enjoy music so terribly much due to the fact that it uplifts my imagination.

Honestly, I'm sitting here struggling exactly on what I should write, that's possibly the entire ideal of randomness which never leaves me. The writers block is possibly the number one enemy of a writer aside from computer glitches and paper cuts, I do believe it is my soul opponent.



"blah, blah, blah....." - Ryan

imagine..

Every single day I search for a complex idea to which I am able to write about or just discuss. Sometimes I feel as if shitting my thoughts and ideas on a piece of paper or in text makes me feel relieved in my mind of things that I try to comprehend. Perhaps that's the feeling that every writer feels, relieved as if they've just shitted ideas down their publishing toilet. Strange comparison, huh?

Imagination is the key to life. Without imagination we as a people would be nowhere and change would not take place and chaos would rule the world, perhaps not chaos but rather boredom in a sense of copies. Robotic copies that rule the world.

I question how many artist caught the images that they painted? Especially historical portraits, such as Leonardo's own "The Last Supper" how did he envision Christ and his disciples as such. I mean for all he knew they could have been wearing pink tutus and fake afros... Right... Whatever.. Without imagination Leonardo would be shit out of luck, right?



"My dog is looking at me right now... Sorry for the short blog but Mr Bond wants his walk, didn't even proof read." - Ryan

Strangers..

I think the greatest gift in life is the ability to introduce yourself to complete strangers and suddenly be attached or connected to them in a simple way. To simplify that, I believe the greatest gift is "connection".

A customer came in my store today and at that moment I felt oddly annoyed due to the fact that I could not finish reading my book and had to show a customer friendly atmosphere. I casually helped him out and thus the simple connection between strangers began.

We leaped into a swift conversation about himself and the nature of his work which sparked curiosity in my mind. He had explained that when he was in grade school long ago he had a counselor who literally told him he was "stupid". From there his journey began which inspired him to stay in school and continually graduate with several degrees. He graduated college with two doctorates, both of which I do not exactly remember, but I can simply tell you he is a shrink.

Aside from me being myself and interrogating this old man, he decided to ask what my own background was; if I were going to school in the military or what not. I proceed to tell him and he dawned a sort of mentorship towards me which had made me feel astonished on the wonders of everyday people.

I mean these simple meetings with everyday people astonish me to a level of high amazement.




"WHY ARE YOU HERE!!!!" - Ryan

Inauguration of a Republic and Morrie..

Probably the most talked about topic this entire day, the inauguration of our wonderful and heart moving 44th President. Change has, at the most apparent moment come. Change, not in a sense of what man leads or what man does this or that, but change in a coming of understanding. Time has passed for such a long period for us to learn we can come together again just as our founding fathers, when creating our Republic.

Our manifest destiny to obtain a global empire can finally and hopefully rest, while rather in the mean time we can learn to obtain our original goals as an American Republic, something our founding fathers died for to create. Our country was built on the foundation of "Life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.." Something which we must realize we still have, though, neglected. It's kinda like having a broke ass ride, you're not gonna change the appearance of the vehicle before you change the engine are you? Perhaps we can be seen different in Mr Depp's eyes as a "dumb puppy".

"God Speed President Obama.."



The strange thing is what separates us all, the simple fact that we are different and we choose not to accept differences and change. I remember reading one of my most favorite and fantastic books of them all "Tuesdays With Morrie" written by a very outstanding author Mr Mitch Albom. Recalling many of the lessons to which Morrie had taught Albom, one was "love", love everyone around you treat them well and you'll go through life feeling well and being treated in that same manner. Love them no matter what difference they are to you in any way. Morrie once said, "Without love, we are birds with broken wings." Realize that and perhaps we could all fly.

Recently, I've had a certain conversation with a friend about her life and how troublesome it feels for her and how complex it seems. I told her that life is so simple it's just seen so complex by so many people, that it just feels so tough and hard. She argued that it is "hard" that many people see it differently, many people have different variables that separate them from others who might have it "easier". Honestly, I feel that there is no complexities that separate us, we're all closed in together we're all connected and things are so simple. One quote that I probably live by thanks to Morrie,

"So many people walk around with a meaningless life. They seem half-asleep, even when they're busy doing things they think are important. This is because they're chasing the wrong things. The way you get meaning into your life is to devote yourself to loving others, devote yourself to your community around you, and devote yourself to creating something that gives you purpose and meaning." - Morrie



"The one thing doctors won't tell you, is that; "It's you're fault." - Ryan

Wasuuuup!!!! with that dragon and 50 cal?

Does anyone have any donations for me? I am absolutely broke, I've just realized that i've neglected my paypal account lately and I'm suddenly in debt. How ridiculous is that? Though it is very obvious that my own irresponsibleness is at fault. What can we say about everyone else and this entire irrational recession.



I've just ended my escapade of watching "Red Dragon" wonderful film actually, it's a suspenseful and intriguing adventure it really is. Deep down inside you continue to question not the monster that Hannibal or Mr D is, but rather Will Graham and his own personal issues which ensue him. Awe, poor poor mentally disabled federal agents.



What struck me the most today, was the struggle of what I've noticed within single parents or not even that, but people who are just trying to survive life and get by. Life is hard but what we do to keep going is just standing up and moving along. It's kinda like what Stallone said in his Rocky venture before he decided to pick up his 50 cal mantel in Rambo and start slaughtering Burmese soldiers.

""Let me tell you something you already know. The world ain't all sunshine and rainbows. It is a very mean and nasty place and I don't care how tough you are, it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But it ain't about how hard you hit; it's about how hard you can get hit, and keep moving forward. How much you can take, and keep moving forward. That's how winning is done. Now, if you know what you're worth, then go out and get what you're worth. But you gotta be willing to take the hit, and not pointing fingers saying you ain't where you are because of him, or her, or anybody. Cowards do that and that ain't you. You're better than that!" - Balboa



"Tomorrow is promising, time for change, I guess." - Ryan

remembering sundays and why we google.

Today is Sunday.

With the lack of a dreamful mentality, I am only able to come up with a simple sentence of "Today is Sunday." Which of course it is but the significance of it seems so dull. What exactly are Sundays? A time of worship, relaxation, and blah blah blah.

I remember as a child going to grade school I would dread Sundays. Sundays to me represented the end of such an amazing weekend and the beginning of such a xeroxed week of five particular days, which made no sense at all but moving on. Where we're moving onto? We never knew we only knew that as soon as Friday was there we would be freed from such a copied state of mind.

Now, during these present Sundays we try to will our way through it. Finding the most obvious of things to do. Awe, the google. The most amazing tool which has ever hit modern day life. A household word, as if I were to cook or clean, I will "google". Possibly one of my favorite past times on a very wet Sunday. Google.

How lost can one be to try to find his life through a search engine in words and words built upon simple mathematics and ideas?

We're just all over the page on this one. Jumping from topic to topic trying to discover the means to a means.




"Screw this I think i'll go google something." - Ryan

Fcuk

You ever walk in a room and forget totally what your plan was? I kinda feel like that with this entire blog, let's view this as a writers abstract imagination.. What the fcuk am I doing?











"Kinda like that.." - Ryan