Go to a workshop to make lasagna!

"You know how there are workshops for several jobs? There should be like "sex" workshops to help culture us for the porn industry. Or does that already exist?"

How cool would that be if you had to go to a workshop job training thing just to have sex. Possibly to the radical religious it would seem a bit blasphemous, but hey isn't that just it with the whole world? Tick tock tick tock...

"Good food."

So I made lasagna the other day, wonderful dish really, I made it all by scratch expect the sauce, I used prego haha. Though, I did add the bulk of fresh vegetables and meat (angus ground beef). Hah, that was delightful actually; a good bottle of wine, people you want to share your food with, and home cooked lasagna.




mmmMMMMMmmmm

"Well this was my quick indulgement in writing, good day." - Ryan

Life Re-cycle.

Why does time grasp us like this?

The womb, time is meaningless. Though we still grow and develop our senses; our feeling. We're fed through an umbilical cord, and awaited by our parents on our scheduled or unscheduled arrival.

Finally, we've seen the light for the first time after nine months of the womb. We're taken care of for a period of time; diapers, bottles, and stress. Not yet have we learned to take care of ourselves. Though, time slowly evolves us into children.

Our learning process begins and we go from school to school; in a constant motion we're transformed into purpose.

Afterwards, we look to find a job and someone to grow old with. The process recycles itself when we have our first born and we see ourselves as the parents now.

Growing old consist of losing our purpose and relying on others to take care of ourselves, we find we're in diapers once again and someone is feeding us.

Then... We die.

"Strange?" - Ryan

Pacsun Ghost..

It was a while back at Pacsun, I had worked there for my first job; really good one actually, I enjoyed it very much. Considered myself special in a way; I mean it made me smile seeing as most first jobs consist of working at places like, food joints or convenient stores. It really wasn't that bad of a gig when it comes to mind; fold clothes, check hot girls out, and get high. Those were the days.

On one occasion I had the best and most particular day of my life working there. I was folding some shirts up in the front, just getting them sized up and getting them ready to put on the shelf when this girl came in. I don't remember having many first words for it but it was probably something like "Ha..ha...hi...." (meaning "hi")

I mean she was gorgeous, probably about 5'3" or 5'4", she wasn't that short at all but it was probably her summer heels she wore that made her seem tall. Though from my perspective her height was completely oblivious to me. In that exact instant and moment as she walked in, time itself froze just for me.

Within my instant of paused time; I looked deep in her soft green eyes and with a smile upon her lips, she looked back deep in mine. It was as if she knew that she had made my day; she had that walk, as if purpose had taken her over to bring her inside the store, or perhaps it was just her walk. She knew that I at that instant had eventually fallen face first for her. She was an angel with her dark brown hair, or something of an angel. She looked into me with those eyes, like she knew everything about me, everything. Her smile gave me the answer of "yes, I know how to make you smile."

Complete and absolute stranger to me, I had found a three letter word to write horizontally in my crossword puzzle, it was "her".

It's funny because she was only in the store for no more than five minutes. I was just so into her at that point. As soon as she left, my frozen time went back to life's normal warp speed. Though, as she left the store she decided to turn her head around just to smile back at me one last time, I hadn't even said "Goodbye" or "Thanks for coming." but she herself decided that she should smile to me, turn her head as she's right at the door and smile.

"Then.. she was gone like a ghost..." - Ryan

Je veux me situer à Paris.

"Over and over again..." That was what was spinning in my mind as she parked her red Mazda hatchback at Wal-mart. The song was playing on a constant repeat in my mind, though she would never know. No one would know, that secretly I had this extreme desire to leave her and explain my actions to someone I actually cared for. It was at this occasion that I realized that I was terribly unhappy.

Situations occur when certain things like this happen, they strengthen me and put me in a forward motion of where I must keep moving to find true motivation and happiness. It's here where I find that even though my fingers are freezing cold I must find the strength to keep moving on and keep typing my words in a melodic key and melody during type.

Many moments later I couldn't believe I had wasted so much time on someone that meant nothing when I could've been with someone who at one point of time meant the most. I remember I was too complicated in the first place. Doors were opened for me and I could've walked in but I didn't. It's kind of like having a beautiful girl offer you fellatio and you being a jackass turning it down.

"The terrible part within the entire situation was not that my current relationship at the time was a lie, but rather I was living the lie myself." - Ryan

Strangers play crossword puzzles to write blogs..

When ideas hit, they're like strangers. You don't exactly know who they are or what their intentions are, though you do know they come with purpose. That purpose is a crossword puzzle placed inside the Sunday paper which would take you forever to comprehend. Though, the simple fact is when you do comprehend it every thing seems clearer; you're boxes have letters, and your strangers have meanings.

Writers are filled with a certain mood that selects their words; carefully and precisely. I feel as if my moods are lost at times to where I'm prone to a sort of word constipation.

The unexpected helps with life; so I feel. I've come to realize that my best pieces come from an unexpected burst of constant words that play a certain part within my mind. Sadly, they only hit once and afterwards they are gone so ergo writing them down in that exact second brings life to my blog. The unexpected...

"Bowling with skates is hard, but thinking random is even harder." - Ryan

Time traveling nudity...

What if there was a way you could rewind every single thing you knew and start over? It'd be a certain time traveling venture that you would endure, leaving you cold, wet and naked in the past trying to relive every thing over again, maybe even making things just a little bit better.

If you could do just a bit better in school. Have that GPA that you needed to make it in the school that "you" preferred the most. Have that essay that actually captured the attention of the hundreds of board members for Universities. Making it through and actually sitting in absorbing all the knowledge you could. Becoming something you would actually admire today as you looked at your old high school diploma. You could've stop in the midst of things and realized that what you needed the most was a simple smile to get you up that extra point, that smile that would've lightened everyone up when they saw you.

If you could fix whatever was wrong in your marriage and make things right; get the kids back, sleep in your bed rather than the couch, and have the amazing joy of her kiss every single morning as you sat at the table for breakfast; with that sweet scent of freshly cooked bacon and eggs and freshly squeezed orange juice just lingered. You could take back all those hateful things you ever said to her, replace every curse with a smile. You could cancel beer with the guys on your anniversary and set up that candle light dinner that would be an everlasting moment in her heart.

If you could live and breath with those people who past away before you and share with them an extra moment, an extra smile, laugh, or perhaps even a good conversation to tell them how much they really meant and how much you loved them. You could look them in their eyes and carry that feeling that connects people with each other, looking deep into their blue, brown, or hazel eyes and realize you want this feeling immortalized because you know they'll be gone.



"If you could stop that one tear from falling by saying you're sorry and that you never meant to hurt anyone." - Ryan

Tools that satisfy.

I like utility tools, you know the kind that solves every problem from beer bottles to splicing wires together. My "Victorinox SwissTool" stays on my desk for any technical difficulty which I might endure. Even when I leave for my two week annual training, I know that I must bring this tool with me just for any possible catastrophe. They're awesome, especially the ones within software. They help you navigate your computer, find that right program to help with the problem.

See now here's the trick, finding that right tool that helps with everything in you're life. By tool I don't mean something actual like a cell phone or laptop, those are just simple materialistic things. By tool, maybe I'm talking about a feeling you've always had deep inside that led you to the right place, or a friend who's always there to help you, or a deeply loved one even.

"Buzz saw.." - Ryan

Where the fukc is casper?

It's late night and the best thing to do is the great American sport of pushing a remote control. I find myself watching Sci Fi's "Scariest Placest on Earth". You know one of those shows that explain so much about ghost and what not. Sparks curiosity like crazy in my mind, the type of curiosity that makes you just want to discover more and more.

I'm thinking one day I'll probably take a whole month off and just head out into the US, a nice long road trip looking for haunted spots to discover and experience a new type of fright. Not only the feeling of fright but the adrenalin of being so close to death, the feeling of "other worldly". Does it sound ridiculous? Searching for casper and all, hah.

I know one thing is for sure, I'm searching for something. It's something that deep down inside I know that I cannot grasp at all. Perhaps, I'm searching for the golden treasure that no one will ever find. Myself.



"Lost.." - Ryan

Spoon this b*tch...

Writing is my own personal therapy, it's like masturbating all of your ideas into text. Ideas and thoughts of absolutely random things that cross my mind, which are represented by the words I view as sperm. I think writing is a chastity to my hate and anger. My selflessness is all taken apart by my every written word. I'm able to analyze and comprehend myself to see that I'm the true villain and everyone else is a hero that I try so desperately to become or beat.

It's like you're battling the world because everyone notices you're out of the norm, but really you're just trying to get by. Could it be that we're all becoming so different between one another that we've lost touch with each other?

Hate, such a strong and undesirable word. What do I hate? So much or so little? My hate ranges from the smallest to the biggest things. It's annoyance that triggers the hate.

People who see life as if they're immortal, those born with a silver fucking spoon up their ass, as if they were kings or queens. Those who don't realize that there is more trouble in this world than what they make it out to be. These people are sheltered by their walls, their plasma tv's their myspace's and facebook's, their iphone's. They expect everyone to yield before them because they were born into privilege. When you're spoken too, you're only worth a conversation of sarcasm or words that will only patronize you.

Have they any idea of what lies in this world? What evils destroy men and rape women in poor wholesome villages. No, they don't because they're too busy building their lives up more and more unable to just settle for a smile or a hug. They want things they don't need, they find themselves trying their hardest to prove something to someone. They have everything, yet they are nothing...

"Blah.." - Ryan

Life Cycle..

"What am I doing?" That is the question that hits my mind as I lay my head down into my pillow, only to close my eyes and listen to my every word typed down into a precise motion. I can't necessarily see the words I'm typing at this moment, but in the end it will all be cleaned up with a simplified editing.

Life is so different, though it shares its similarities. We walk into our lives with our heads in a gutter, not exactly knowing what to do, though we take different turns; lefts and rights into different doors. We're blindfolded as we try to make our most decisive decisions.

(hold on I'm going to take a quick nap before I finish the rest of this)

Why does it seem like everything has gotten so hard for all of us? It's as if our decision-making-skills have in the end cost us so much. It's terrible when our own youth can't respect those before them, they're unable to respect themselves so obviously they're not going to respect others. Like generations to come just seem more like shit than the ones before?

I see it in this matter, it's like the human cycle. You're born so naturally you make mistakes as an infant; you shit on yourself and someone changes your diaper. You go into the world and you try to learn it; you grow. You live through your life as a teen, then an adult. Afterwards you become old and decrepit; you shit on yourself once again and someone changes your diaper for you. The human race is going through that cycle on a large scale, or so I believe.

We were immature in the beginning; we "shitted" on ourselves and someone changed our diapers. Afterwards we struggled to learn everything about our world and ourselves. Now it is only a matter of time before we start shitting on ourselves again. Life recycles itself and we all die.

(if none of this is making any sense it's ok, because it seems so mixed up)

(hopefully someone out there actually understands where I'm getting at)

I hate to say it, but with every year that passes by me I feel more and more as if society is failing itself. It's like we've lost the glisten of things our hold on happiness. Our own gild is gone.



"Gild is gone, so do we paint over the ugly parts?" - Ryan

Just try to worry about the sunscreen..

The worried are the sick, they are misguided and weak. There hearts and minds are in all the wrong places because they worry so much for things that mean absolutely nothing. The mortgage on the house that has too many rooms for a family of three, the cars that burns an extreme amount of fuel; unnecessary, the cell phone with 15,000 apps and the fastest 3G network that doesn't even have flash to make the right impression in a group full of jealous critiques. We worry about our futures; about where we'll be in the next ten to fifteen years, about what we'll be doing with our lives. We wonder if either success or failure will grasp us.

Perhaps, it's not which stock is going down or how much money you've lost in the past week. The real question deals with things that blind side you on that idle Tuesday, like your late brother or sister, maybe even your mother or father. The hands of fate grasp people or certain events which change lives forever.






"Don’t worry about the future; or worry, but know that worrying is as
effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing
bubblegum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that
never crossed your worried mind; the kind that blindside you at 4pm
on some idle Tuesday." - Baz Luhrmann

"By the way don't forget the sunscreen." - Ryan

Just a lil bit of porn..

False Advertising is the problem. I was at Ruby Tuesdays the other day ordering; shrimp, what a wonderful dish, we had shrimp for the appetizer and of course the main meal. It was wonderful, the only problem was the fact that as I looked onward upon the menu it seemed that the shrimp in the pictures looked rather luscious than usual. Amazed by the fact that I was eating less food than I had payed for.. Pretty fucked up.

It's kinda like a girl talking to you at the bar and telling you that she's horny and wants to fuck, but then she tells you that she doesn't want to fuck you. Fucking false advertising is a bitch hah.

By the way did the title lead you in?

- Ryan



Good ol' cow porn.

and i wonder.. if you know.. what it means...

I woke up this morning realizing that life is so abstract, we see things one way and then the next so different. What you see is completely different from what I see. What you feel about the situation could be completely different from what I feel. We're like two people fighting over what's right and what's wrong.

Honestly, I've been going through this ridiculous time, it really is impossible, it feels impossible to me. Like, I'm starting to lose myself or lose my soul.. Could it be possible to lose yourself in a situation that you cannot find yourself at all? I've got so many questions to whether I am or am not doing the right thing.

Im lost in the sauce, everyone else seems so happy and content but myself I've gone below, under myself I'm lost and afraid, my hopes and dreams feel broken. Happiness is somewhere, something, someone that I cannot grasp..




"What the hell is this.." - Ryan

PETA the Epiphany of Man...

Hear me out on this one kids. The other day I was reading an article on Peta.. you know the fanatical extremist organization which thrives on matters concerning animals and animals only.

When concerning animals I entirely mean concerning animals, their thoughts on human life apparently varies.

Situation 1: In 2003 PETA President Ingrid Newkirk sent Yasser Arafat a letter following an incident in which a donkey, laden with explosives, was intentionally blown up... she begged him to "leave the animals out of this conflict."

Situation 2: A similar letter was sent to Sri Lankan terrorist group Tamil Tigers following a bombing that hit a zoo. When asked by the Washington Post why she didn't ask to stop the killing of humans also... she explained "It's not my business to inject myself into human wars."

Ryan's answer situation 1: So what do you agree on, obviously in a time of war certain matters are taken to fight.. obviously.. In my own personal opinion if I was desperate to use a donkey to fight a war I suppose it would seem ethical at the time.

Ryan's answer situation 2: So her loyalties lay only with animals I see. It's amazing that her business is to the animals at the zoo and not to the several people injured and the twelve murdered... I'm saddened when people have lost faith in the human race.

Let's put it in this sense, say a loved one of the President of PETA was at the zoo and that person was one of the victims at the Zoo bombing. Think to this.. are those animals as important to her now or her own loved one? Would human life matter then to her? Would the conflict affect her.

Ridiculous... Life is just ridiculous.



"Coca Cola.... " - Ryan

"xerox" "xerox" "xeroX" strive to be a bit different...

This might sound so familiar; but I question so much "Why am I waking up this very morning? As if I were meant to do something special or perhaps I myself maybe special."

It's that same old recurring life. We wake up, go to work, come home and prepare for the next day. We work to pay our debts; our credit cards, and our bills. Life feels so "Xerox", we're all of copy of a copy of a copy. Sometimes I recall that scene that I saw in the theater, the movie was "Wanted", it was when he put his card in the atm and realized he had less than twenty dollars in his account. He must have been having a bummed out day.

Is this what we are? Robots? Machines that do what we have to do to get by? Contemplating things we think matter though they do not? I've known so many people rush through life's river trying to grab hold of the rocks only to create a dam to control it's directions. The inevitable fact falls upon them when their dam breaks and anarchy succumbs to them as they are rushing once again with the river.

"Got with the flow." That's been around for so long but do we honestly get the gist of it?

Watched the "Dark Knight" for possibly the first time since I saw it so many many times while it was in theaters. What strikes me most about movie is when the Joker talks to Harvey Dent while in the hospital. He explains that he's just there to show the "schemers" how pathetic it is that they try to control their little worlds. Taking that out of context and placing it into a less sociopathic humor, it honestly does make sense.

How do we prevent ourselves from being "schemers" and just trying to live? Not worrying about things that will come and things that will go. Time will pass and slip through our fingers while we work and try to pay of that one amazing debt, but are we grabbing some of that time to take in some fresh air and just live? Not be a "Xerox"?

"Introduce a little bit of anarchy." - Joker

Random Ideals..

It's strange the obvious motion of certain things, how simple movements that are created with a single touch can show so much emotion. A leaf could be floating out in the air and just flying looking so bored and hopeless, but what you don't notices is the peace that surrounds it. The wind doesn't blow it strong enough to break or weak enough no settle, it's a simple motion of peace.

Shaking a hand or hugging, possess an amazing structure of reliance. It's an amazing compliment of affection. A noteworthy alliance of smiles to make and smiles to come.

I feel as if my own goals are perceived through a certain motion of thought. I'm just looking for the right way of passage, the one that leads to a guaranteed success. Though what exactly is success? Why do we choose to question our inevitable fate of what we do or what we become?

Sitting in a Starbucks listening to a continuous track of delicate jazz, I'm struck by the sense of a simple violinist's style, so peaceful and easy. So beautiful and uplifting, so melodic and justified. It's tranquil like a kiss would be, soft in touch as if moving closer to a girl for that one simple.. "perfect" kiss. I enjoy music so terribly much due to the fact that it uplifts my imagination.

Honestly, I'm sitting here struggling exactly on what I should write, that's possibly the entire ideal of randomness which never leaves me. The writers block is possibly the number one enemy of a writer aside from computer glitches and paper cuts, I do believe it is my soul opponent.



"blah, blah, blah....." - Ryan

imagine..

Every single day I search for a complex idea to which I am able to write about or just discuss. Sometimes I feel as if shitting my thoughts and ideas on a piece of paper or in text makes me feel relieved in my mind of things that I try to comprehend. Perhaps that's the feeling that every writer feels, relieved as if they've just shitted ideas down their publishing toilet. Strange comparison, huh?

Imagination is the key to life. Without imagination we as a people would be nowhere and change would not take place and chaos would rule the world, perhaps not chaos but rather boredom in a sense of copies. Robotic copies that rule the world.

I question how many artist caught the images that they painted? Especially historical portraits, such as Leonardo's own "The Last Supper" how did he envision Christ and his disciples as such. I mean for all he knew they could have been wearing pink tutus and fake afros... Right... Whatever.. Without imagination Leonardo would be shit out of luck, right?



"My dog is looking at me right now... Sorry for the short blog but Mr Bond wants his walk, didn't even proof read." - Ryan

Strangers..

I think the greatest gift in life is the ability to introduce yourself to complete strangers and suddenly be attached or connected to them in a simple way. To simplify that, I believe the greatest gift is "connection".

A customer came in my store today and at that moment I felt oddly annoyed due to the fact that I could not finish reading my book and had to show a customer friendly atmosphere. I casually helped him out and thus the simple connection between strangers began.

We leaped into a swift conversation about himself and the nature of his work which sparked curiosity in my mind. He had explained that when he was in grade school long ago he had a counselor who literally told him he was "stupid". From there his journey began which inspired him to stay in school and continually graduate with several degrees. He graduated college with two doctorates, both of which I do not exactly remember, but I can simply tell you he is a shrink.

Aside from me being myself and interrogating this old man, he decided to ask what my own background was; if I were going to school in the military or what not. I proceed to tell him and he dawned a sort of mentorship towards me which had made me feel astonished on the wonders of everyday people.

I mean these simple meetings with everyday people astonish me to a level of high amazement.




"WHY ARE YOU HERE!!!!" - Ryan

Inauguration of a Republic and Morrie..

Probably the most talked about topic this entire day, the inauguration of our wonderful and heart moving 44th President. Change has, at the most apparent moment come. Change, not in a sense of what man leads or what man does this or that, but change in a coming of understanding. Time has passed for such a long period for us to learn we can come together again just as our founding fathers, when creating our Republic.

Our manifest destiny to obtain a global empire can finally and hopefully rest, while rather in the mean time we can learn to obtain our original goals as an American Republic, something our founding fathers died for to create. Our country was built on the foundation of "Life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.." Something which we must realize we still have, though, neglected. It's kinda like having a broke ass ride, you're not gonna change the appearance of the vehicle before you change the engine are you? Perhaps we can be seen different in Mr Depp's eyes as a "dumb puppy".

"God Speed President Obama.."



The strange thing is what separates us all, the simple fact that we are different and we choose not to accept differences and change. I remember reading one of my most favorite and fantastic books of them all "Tuesdays With Morrie" written by a very outstanding author Mr Mitch Albom. Recalling many of the lessons to which Morrie had taught Albom, one was "love", love everyone around you treat them well and you'll go through life feeling well and being treated in that same manner. Love them no matter what difference they are to you in any way. Morrie once said, "Without love, we are birds with broken wings." Realize that and perhaps we could all fly.

Recently, I've had a certain conversation with a friend about her life and how troublesome it feels for her and how complex it seems. I told her that life is so simple it's just seen so complex by so many people, that it just feels so tough and hard. She argued that it is "hard" that many people see it differently, many people have different variables that separate them from others who might have it "easier". Honestly, I feel that there is no complexities that separate us, we're all closed in together we're all connected and things are so simple. One quote that I probably live by thanks to Morrie,

"So many people walk around with a meaningless life. They seem half-asleep, even when they're busy doing things they think are important. This is because they're chasing the wrong things. The way you get meaning into your life is to devote yourself to loving others, devote yourself to your community around you, and devote yourself to creating something that gives you purpose and meaning." - Morrie



"The one thing doctors won't tell you, is that; "It's you're fault." - Ryan

Wasuuuup!!!! with that dragon and 50 cal?

Does anyone have any donations for me? I am absolutely broke, I've just realized that i've neglected my paypal account lately and I'm suddenly in debt. How ridiculous is that? Though it is very obvious that my own irresponsibleness is at fault. What can we say about everyone else and this entire irrational recession.



I've just ended my escapade of watching "Red Dragon" wonderful film actually, it's a suspenseful and intriguing adventure it really is. Deep down inside you continue to question not the monster that Hannibal or Mr D is, but rather Will Graham and his own personal issues which ensue him. Awe, poor poor mentally disabled federal agents.



What struck me the most today, was the struggle of what I've noticed within single parents or not even that, but people who are just trying to survive life and get by. Life is hard but what we do to keep going is just standing up and moving along. It's kinda like what Stallone said in his Rocky venture before he decided to pick up his 50 cal mantel in Rambo and start slaughtering Burmese soldiers.

""Let me tell you something you already know. The world ain't all sunshine and rainbows. It is a very mean and nasty place and I don't care how tough you are, it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But it ain't about how hard you hit; it's about how hard you can get hit, and keep moving forward. How much you can take, and keep moving forward. That's how winning is done. Now, if you know what you're worth, then go out and get what you're worth. But you gotta be willing to take the hit, and not pointing fingers saying you ain't where you are because of him, or her, or anybody. Cowards do that and that ain't you. You're better than that!" - Balboa



"Tomorrow is promising, time for change, I guess." - Ryan

remembering sundays and why we google.

Today is Sunday.

With the lack of a dreamful mentality, I am only able to come up with a simple sentence of "Today is Sunday." Which of course it is but the significance of it seems so dull. What exactly are Sundays? A time of worship, relaxation, and blah blah blah.

I remember as a child going to grade school I would dread Sundays. Sundays to me represented the end of such an amazing weekend and the beginning of such a xeroxed week of five particular days, which made no sense at all but moving on. Where we're moving onto? We never knew we only knew that as soon as Friday was there we would be freed from such a copied state of mind.

Now, during these present Sundays we try to will our way through it. Finding the most obvious of things to do. Awe, the google. The most amazing tool which has ever hit modern day life. A household word, as if I were to cook or clean, I will "google". Possibly one of my favorite past times on a very wet Sunday. Google.

How lost can one be to try to find his life through a search engine in words and words built upon simple mathematics and ideas?

We're just all over the page on this one. Jumping from topic to topic trying to discover the means to a means.




"Screw this I think i'll go google something." - Ryan

Fcuk

You ever walk in a room and forget totally what your plan was? I kinda feel like that with this entire blog, let's view this as a writers abstract imagination.. What the fcuk am I doing?











"Kinda like that.." - Ryan