shooting the deputy and judge down..

"Who are you to judge the life I live? I know I’m not perfect and I don’t live to be. But, before you start pointing fingers, make sure your hands are clean." - Bob Marley



There was a time where I use to see my own peers; these were kids from high school and all, either working at some convenient store, or waiting tables at some restaurant. I would always look at them thinking, damn what happened to their lives, where did the time go? Five or six years out of high school and most of them are still working some dead end shit job trying to get by. Though I wouldn't know the real reasons, I only knew what it felt like to be on my own high horse, making the money that I so desired to make, the facade of being out almost every night while everyone else was trying to stay home and "save" money.

I would never approach any of them or ask why they were still in that sort of position, what they were about in their lives, things of that nature. Nor did I ever give a shit really and truly, I had been guilty of assuming the negative and never acknowledging the positive. Always thinking I was better because I wasn't working at the local 7-11 or putting boxes up at Farm Fresh or even sweeping the floor at Target, I never actually analyzed why they were there to begin with. Coming out of high school; I joined the Marine Corps Reserve and during; I had many failed attempts at college, always doing well to a point but always giving up and skipping class eventually, I would jump from job to job until I finally landed my current. A well paying benefit afforded 12 hour a day job. A job I at the time had treasured though now I secretly despise.

I thought I was on top of the world, I thought the money in my pocket would make me feel better, make me feel more successful, make me feel I had the advantage amongst others. Seeing old classmates only made my ego grow more, the comparison of where I was vs where they were. Though I never actually took the time to really look at things in a honest sense. Many of these old classmates were probably just picking up a job to help advance themselves through grad school, and many of them I knew had already finished college unlike myself and had had their bachelors degree in whatever they had wanted it to be. Many of them were living for themselves and not for the dollar, they had not forgotten who they were along the way of growth.

Strange that when I finally came to terms with all this I honestly found how not so high up I was, I came to the conclusion that, I'm not happy where I'm at in my career path, that I'm taken away from family and friends, my most precious loved ones, just for the all mighty dollar. Bitter and angry I was with myself; though I knew these were my decisions that were made, these were my own life choice. Happily it hasn't been too late just yet, I can still turn it all around and find what deep down in my heart is what I'd like to live for, what I'd like and love to do with my life.

The impression of judging; being the one with the gavel and hammering down all who you see. Possibly a double edge knife, you get satisfaction in believing what you want but at the same time the truth spurs out and you're cut and wounded.

I judge a lot, I only know the lies that I make up in my own mind about others, but when I finally learn the truth.. I honestly feel like an asshole.

"don't judge a book by it's cover.. mom use to say. i'm sure yours did also.." - Ryan D.