"Simply having a wonderful Christmas time." - Paul McCartney
From that easy smile to glaring eyes, simple yet perfect. Christmas music plays in the background, as noises of happy couples walk through the streets. There's a peace to it, a peace that subsides deep in the heart keeping us warm and blessed. This season brings out the most precious of nature within us as it holds down the grim behavior of hate and despair, it reminds us that love flourishes with something so simple as a stranger's smile, a child's laugh, and the hope of a new year rising. A few days left as we wrestle amongst one another to grab those last minute gifts for that special someone; malls are packed, sales are happening, and parties are being had. We're all in 5th gear trying to reach the finish line; as we wrap the presents, drink the eggnog, and watch reruns of "A Christmas Carol"
This is the last entry for this year. To the readers; I have always appreciated you and without you this site would truly be wasted ink. Celebrate Christmas and the New Year right: with people you care about and people that care about you. Be courageous and kiss that special someone under the mistletoe. Drink hearty because your soul needs something good to carry it through time. Hold that special someones hand and never let go. Cry because it hurts, cry because it makes you human, cry and then pick yourself back up. Remember who you are and what you want with yourself, set goals for this upcoming year, set goals that matter to you most importantly, let your dreams move you and allow your dreams to become realities. Above all; love..
"Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. See you on this side or the other." - Ryan D.
20141222
20141219
to the broken heart..
"Love is hard to find, hard to keep, and hard to forget." - Alysha Speer
To the broken heart; pieces lay in the wake of the aftermath, a fight, painful words, thrown glass, and a broken soul. They have undoubtedly taken it's toll on your already weakened body. The boiling pain that has built up around unsaid things, undone comfort, cheating spouses, a broken home.
You can only concern yourself with negative thoughts, your sadness has turned to anger, your anger to hate, your hate delving into depression. A broken heart; like a glass ball chipped away little by little each and every time it is dropped, the caretaker you had given it to is continuously clumsy, they don't bother to concern themselves with repairs, they care not about what consequences come, or the outcome this may bring, love is what created you, selfishness is what broke you.
Crying yourself to sleep, helps ease the pain. Drinking to keep beautiful memories at bay which only remind us of what once was and what is now. Your scars are fresh but dry. Lost is what things have come to.
To the broken heart; the pieces will return to you, your true caretaker never abandoned you, he or she lay waiting silently, peaceful as a summer night, with glue in hand like a child at play. Your strength will return, you body will regain. You will ignore what could have been, what you exclaim should have been, because you will understand what had to have been.
Positive thoughts will wrap you as your depression subsides. Hate lingers and anger will toy with you, though eventually you will learn that in time, you will care less about things that seemed to matter so greatly but worth so little. The more you smile you attract the warmth of company, the warmth that dries the wet adhesive as it does its work to connect and bringing back sanity, bringing back a repaired heart, a whole heart, which you own and shall keep safe once again.
To the whole heart; be wary upon who may hold you. Understand and know that taking care of yourself is the key to finding someone who will do the same for you. Don't rush into the heat of battle but calmly and diligently move through to success. Smile confidence when you see your scars, allow them to remind you the worst you've been through and that you would do it all over again knowing it would land you to be who you are.. A better person.
"Breath in what matters and exhale the unfortunate." - Ryan D.
To the broken heart; pieces lay in the wake of the aftermath, a fight, painful words, thrown glass, and a broken soul. They have undoubtedly taken it's toll on your already weakened body. The boiling pain that has built up around unsaid things, undone comfort, cheating spouses, a broken home.
You can only concern yourself with negative thoughts, your sadness has turned to anger, your anger to hate, your hate delving into depression. A broken heart; like a glass ball chipped away little by little each and every time it is dropped, the caretaker you had given it to is continuously clumsy, they don't bother to concern themselves with repairs, they care not about what consequences come, or the outcome this may bring, love is what created you, selfishness is what broke you.
Crying yourself to sleep, helps ease the pain. Drinking to keep beautiful memories at bay which only remind us of what once was and what is now. Your scars are fresh but dry. Lost is what things have come to.
To the broken heart; the pieces will return to you, your true caretaker never abandoned you, he or she lay waiting silently, peaceful as a summer night, with glue in hand like a child at play. Your strength will return, you body will regain. You will ignore what could have been, what you exclaim should have been, because you will understand what had to have been.
Positive thoughts will wrap you as your depression subsides. Hate lingers and anger will toy with you, though eventually you will learn that in time, you will care less about things that seemed to matter so greatly but worth so little. The more you smile you attract the warmth of company, the warmth that dries the wet adhesive as it does its work to connect and bringing back sanity, bringing back a repaired heart, a whole heart, which you own and shall keep safe once again.
To the whole heart; be wary upon who may hold you. Understand and know that taking care of yourself is the key to finding someone who will do the same for you. Don't rush into the heat of battle but calmly and diligently move through to success. Smile confidence when you see your scars, allow them to remind you the worst you've been through and that you would do it all over again knowing it would land you to be who you are.. A better person.
"Breath in what matters and exhale the unfortunate." - Ryan D.
20141218
a letter to my younger self.
Dear You.. Well rather me,
It struck me this morning that I've written so many letters in my life time and yet I have failed to ignore you so many times. This is to you; the younger me, a letter I wish you could've read in time. Just an insight on you and some hope for your future.
Consider this; you are young, arrogant, and fucking stupid. Your pride will take a toll on so many of the things you do, and you or rather I will feel it in the long run. You'll regret a lot; from not saying "I love you." enough, not listening to others, spending most of your time with the unimportant versus those who really matter, getting a credit card and opening loan accounts, breaking your close friends hearts and ending friendships that mattered, quitting jobs that cared, ruining your parents and breaking their hearts, going to college late, caring about what everybody thinks of you versus what really mattered, not seeing that you were used, mistaking trust as a business card as if you could pass it around to anyone, missing out on opportunities with girls with those warm smiles, allowing your close friends to put up with your shit, constantly being selfish and several other things that I am probably failing to mention.
Though you'll eventually learn humility through prideful mistakes; you'll clean up well. You'll definitely drink more but blacking out and hugging toilets will be over. Your arrogance will fade and you'll act a little wiser. You'll hold on to those you love as tightly as possible. You will cry. It'll hurt that you've burned bridges with so many but you'll recycle wood to try and build new ones with others if not those you left behind. Everyone that matters to you will know. People will hate you and you'll eventually learn not to care, you won't reciprocate stupidity. Strangely you still give food and cigarettes to homeless people versus money. You'll not only listen more but you'll give advice that matters. You'll take care of your looks without the regard of others opinions. You'll hold the hearts that are given to you, in a safe and sacred place. You will never allow the opportunity of someone shattering your own heart once again, though once in awhile you'll slip and fall from grace and things will seem painful, but trust me, it's not the end and you won't have to balls to stay in that dark miserable place, eventually you'll climb up the ladder of life like always. You'll always love others the way you love yourself: loving yourself won't be so difficult when you stop frowning so much. You'll read more and listen to music you never thought you would like. You'll try to pay all your bills. You'll hold your parents tight, your son tighter, and you'll always pray that they never let go. Apologizing will be more sincere and you'll always learn from those mistakes. You'll trust a select few and they'll be the ones that count. You will hate yourself for being so selfish to begin with and you'll learn to forgive yourself. It's okay, you don't have to be scared, you'll be lost at times but always find your way. There will be scars that remind you to always be a better person.
Picture this, it won't be so bad, it will weigh heavy on you at times, and you will be angry. But trust me there will always be a helping hand around the corner, somebody will always have your back, you're never alone, and eventually you'll be me realizing the journey hasn't been bad at all.
So smile, stand up tall.
Your dearest self,
Ryan De Los Reyes
It struck me this morning that I've written so many letters in my life time and yet I have failed to ignore you so many times. This is to you; the younger me, a letter I wish you could've read in time. Just an insight on you and some hope for your future.
Consider this; you are young, arrogant, and fucking stupid. Your pride will take a toll on so many of the things you do, and you or rather I will feel it in the long run. You'll regret a lot; from not saying "I love you." enough, not listening to others, spending most of your time with the unimportant versus those who really matter, getting a credit card and opening loan accounts, breaking your close friends hearts and ending friendships that mattered, quitting jobs that cared, ruining your parents and breaking their hearts, going to college late, caring about what everybody thinks of you versus what really mattered, not seeing that you were used, mistaking trust as a business card as if you could pass it around to anyone, missing out on opportunities with girls with those warm smiles, allowing your close friends to put up with your shit, constantly being selfish and several other things that I am probably failing to mention.
Though you'll eventually learn humility through prideful mistakes; you'll clean up well. You'll definitely drink more but blacking out and hugging toilets will be over. Your arrogance will fade and you'll act a little wiser. You'll hold on to those you love as tightly as possible. You will cry. It'll hurt that you've burned bridges with so many but you'll recycle wood to try and build new ones with others if not those you left behind. Everyone that matters to you will know. People will hate you and you'll eventually learn not to care, you won't reciprocate stupidity. Strangely you still give food and cigarettes to homeless people versus money. You'll not only listen more but you'll give advice that matters. You'll take care of your looks without the regard of others opinions. You'll hold the hearts that are given to you, in a safe and sacred place. You will never allow the opportunity of someone shattering your own heart once again, though once in awhile you'll slip and fall from grace and things will seem painful, but trust me, it's not the end and you won't have to balls to stay in that dark miserable place, eventually you'll climb up the ladder of life like always. You'll always love others the way you love yourself: loving yourself won't be so difficult when you stop frowning so much. You'll read more and listen to music you never thought you would like. You'll try to pay all your bills. You'll hold your parents tight, your son tighter, and you'll always pray that they never let go. Apologizing will be more sincere and you'll always learn from those mistakes. You'll trust a select few and they'll be the ones that count. You will hate yourself for being so selfish to begin with and you'll learn to forgive yourself. It's okay, you don't have to be scared, you'll be lost at times but always find your way. There will be scars that remind you to always be a better person.
Picture this, it won't be so bad, it will weigh heavy on you at times, and you will be angry. But trust me there will always be a helping hand around the corner, somebody will always have your back, you're never alone, and eventually you'll be me realizing the journey hasn't been bad at all.
So smile, stand up tall.
Your dearest self,
Ryan De Los Reyes
20141216
insert here, then start shakin..
"insert quote here" - Sorry this is the best i've got
Blank sheets of paper, with permanent marks on them. We realize nothing at this time is perfect, nothing is ever at it's best, though accepting is what makes us our better selves. You constantly hear about people trying to change others, trying to make them different, make them better, why is that? Are we so self indulged that we hold a greater power over others to mold them into a certain way?
I stopped caring; I stopped caring about all the stupid shit, all the sideline comments, all the high and mightiness which surrounds you on a daily basis, the judges and the jury. Perhaps maybe I just started drinking more, but it doesn't matter. You know they say old wounds heal, and that they do, they heal but leave scars which constantly remind us. The trick however is to press on, there's no doubt that you'll always see that mark, but you can always press on. I know the stories, I see the constant glare I get from people once close, but what do they know, what do they understand? Fuck em, that's the best I've got, I'm not holding grudges, I'm holding things that are dear to me.
Don't indulge in what others think, give a kind nod and move on. You know just as well as I do, that moment when you were told you "don't touch", you'll still touched. You want to feel the mistakes, you want to feel the moment, what cares do you have that others know better than you, that others know what matters more. The price you pay is small, all that matters is the freedom that your soul continues to feed on. You're free to make your own decisions as always, sure hear and listen to the sideline comments, listen to whatever. Do what feels right to you.. though I will warn, know when you need to protect yourself.
"Cancer, one hell of a drug I suppose." - Ryan D.
Blank sheets of paper, with permanent marks on them. We realize nothing at this time is perfect, nothing is ever at it's best, though accepting is what makes us our better selves. You constantly hear about people trying to change others, trying to make them different, make them better, why is that? Are we so self indulged that we hold a greater power over others to mold them into a certain way?
I stopped caring; I stopped caring about all the stupid shit, all the sideline comments, all the high and mightiness which surrounds you on a daily basis, the judges and the jury. Perhaps maybe I just started drinking more, but it doesn't matter. You know they say old wounds heal, and that they do, they heal but leave scars which constantly remind us. The trick however is to press on, there's no doubt that you'll always see that mark, but you can always press on. I know the stories, I see the constant glare I get from people once close, but what do they know, what do they understand? Fuck em, that's the best I've got, I'm not holding grudges, I'm holding things that are dear to me.
Don't indulge in what others think, give a kind nod and move on. You know just as well as I do, that moment when you were told you "don't touch", you'll still touched. You want to feel the mistakes, you want to feel the moment, what cares do you have that others know better than you, that others know what matters more. The price you pay is small, all that matters is the freedom that your soul continues to feed on. You're free to make your own decisions as always, sure hear and listen to the sideline comments, listen to whatever. Do what feels right to you.. though I will warn, know when you need to protect yourself.
"Cancer, one hell of a drug I suppose." - Ryan D.
20141210
christmas disappearing act.
I'm sorry; I haven't writtten much and most likely because I've been drinking most of my life away. Though I promise you I've been hit by the Christmas cheer, I've been hit by things that count, things that matter, things that make me smile. Take your time with everything, take your time and breath in what counts. Deal with the world that makes sense to you, take time that counts, smile because of the simple things, try to forget all the things that hurt.
Merry Christmas to you all, if you don't hear from me the rest of this year, I promise to be there for you in the New Year.
"Last Christmas I Gave You My Heart, You finish the rest." - Ryan D.
Merry Christmas to you all, if you don't hear from me the rest of this year, I promise to be there for you in the New Year.
"Last Christmas I Gave You My Heart, You finish the rest." - Ryan D.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)