a letter to my younger self.

Dear You.. Well rather me,

It struck me this morning that I've written so many letters in my life time and yet I have failed to ignore you so many times. This is to you; the younger me, a letter I wish you could've read in time. Just an insight on you and some hope for your future.

Consider this; you are young, arrogant, and fucking stupid. Your pride will take a toll on so many of the things you do, and you or rather I will feel it in the long run. You'll regret a lot; from not saying "I love you." enough, not listening to others, spending most of your time with the unimportant versus those who really matter, getting a credit card and opening loan accounts, breaking your close friends hearts and ending friendships that mattered, quitting jobs that cared, ruining your parents and breaking their hearts, going to college late, caring about what everybody thinks of you versus what really mattered, not seeing that you were used, mistaking trust as a business card as if you could pass it around to anyone, missing out on opportunities with girls with those warm smiles, allowing your close friends to put up with your shit, constantly being selfish and several other things that I am probably failing to mention.

Though you'll eventually learn humility through prideful mistakes; you'll clean up well. You'll definitely drink more but blacking out and hugging toilets will be over. Your arrogance will fade and you'll act a little wiser. You'll hold on to those you love as tightly as possible. You will cry. It'll hurt that you've burned bridges with so many but you'll recycle wood to try and build new ones with others if not those you left behind. Everyone that matters to you will know. People will hate you and you'll eventually learn not to care, you won't reciprocate stupidity. Strangely you still give food and cigarettes to homeless people versus money. You'll not only listen more but you'll give advice that matters. You'll take care of your looks without the regard of others opinions. You'll hold the hearts that are given to you, in a safe and sacred place. You will never allow the opportunity of someone shattering your own heart once again, though once in awhile you'll slip and fall from grace and things will seem painful, but trust me, it's not the end and you won't have to balls to stay in that dark miserable place, eventually you'll climb up the ladder of life like always. You'll always love others the way you love yourself: loving yourself won't be so difficult when you stop frowning so much. You'll read more and listen to music you never thought you would like. You'll try to pay all your bills. You'll hold your parents tight, your son tighter, and you'll always pray that they never let go. Apologizing will be more sincere and you'll always learn from those mistakes. You'll trust a select few and they'll be the ones that count. You will hate yourself for being so selfish to begin with and you'll learn to forgive yourself. It's okay, you don't have to be scared, you'll be lost at times but always find your way. There will be scars that remind you to always be a better person.

Picture this, it won't be so bad, it will weigh heavy on you at times, and you will be angry. But trust me there will always be a helping hand around the corner, somebody will always have your back, you're never alone, and eventually you'll be me realizing the journey hasn't been bad at all.

So smile, stand up tall.

Your dearest self,

Ryan De Los Reyes