bottom shelf ink..

"real change occurs from the bottom." - Paul Hawken

As far as we know we can only consider the heights to be our final destination, we climb and continue to climb searching for something more, something greater, trying to break boundaries and seek our gold. However it comes to some surprise that many of us decide to forget our past, forget previous lessons of what had placed us or had given a sort of motivation to lead us up to points of favor. We veil them with white cloths to protect old wounds from gathering dust, we hide them in our mausoleums of memories meant for forgetting, we bury our oldest and coldest memories deep down in the dirt thinking hiding every bit of it offers a sort of clean slate, a fresh piece of paper readily available to write on. Ruined ink always runs through a pile of papers, we may think it fresh and available for a new chapter, but we ignore the facts; there is still a mark left which we refuse to acknowledge.

I have had my moments of finding, those moments of taking a eraser and ruining sheets and sheets of paper trying to remove a ink stain, thinking white-out could make things new, though in times of great adversity it is sometimes just well enough to face the truth, face the facts, forgive yourself and who you are and use to be.

A good friend once had told me "Nobody ever really changes, they're always the same person deep down inside." Of course I was reluctant to agree to such words and the truth is; in the end we evolve, we learn from what or who we use to be and we try to continue on, no matter how damaged or scarred we truly are. I have wrestled with old demons as of late, remembering things I had kept secret, things I had not wanted known. Though we deal, I had finally discovered how to acknowledge truth in it all, through recognizing faults which I had chosen to hide, perhaps I was able to realize who I am or who I would be willing to be.



"I had fallen; far and fast, climbing to the top though the withered step had ruined my entire placement. The ground was barren and coarse, shattered glass from broken hearts and painful memories surrounded me. Dreams existed only to torture with whips of hope. Love and care were water boarded by the disdain of hate. Providence and all paradise were lost. Seduced by the temptation of laziness and depression whilst struggling to pick myself up. I ignored a piece of my heart which laid broke from events of crushing and hammering, the reminder of heartbreak had taken a toll weighing so much." - (The Green Book) Ryan D.