That feeling you have when you "could have, should have done something." Terribly annoying; you're left with wondering the rest of your life, what I should have done at that very moment, why I was so "pussy" to ask for her number, why she out of so many shined to me naturally but I still refused to ask a simple question...
Honestly.. I don't even want to write about it.. fuck it... I'm not even in the mood, fuck the gramer, fuck the punctuation .. it's just irritating to see how cowardly I am.. how afraid I am to just ask...
"thoughts and dreams and thoughts and dreams..." - Ryan D
20131102
20130729
better days...
"tell me you're pregnant and i'm amazed, so many blessings while we stressing, looking for them better days." - Tupac Shakur
Truth is, it's those moments of simplicity, the ones where you call a friend and you enjoy a seat in their lawn watching time fly by, drinking an ice cold beer and smoking cigarettes as if they'd never kill you. Those are the days that I cherish the most, those are some of my better days. Why complicate things, when everything is already complex? Find your lover, get on the hood of your car and watch the stars.. doesn't really matter if you're in the city, because the lights still look pretty damn beautiful, and you're always bound to see a shooting star, maybe you'll be able to make a wish..
"fact.. we believe ourselves to be immortal and untouchable, when in reality we walk a very thin line.. do yourself a favor and remember simplicity is key." - Ryan D
Truth is, it's those moments of simplicity, the ones where you call a friend and you enjoy a seat in their lawn watching time fly by, drinking an ice cold beer and smoking cigarettes as if they'd never kill you. Those are the days that I cherish the most, those are some of my better days. Why complicate things, when everything is already complex? Find your lover, get on the hood of your car and watch the stars.. doesn't really matter if you're in the city, because the lights still look pretty damn beautiful, and you're always bound to see a shooting star, maybe you'll be able to make a wish..
"fact.. we believe ourselves to be immortal and untouchable, when in reality we walk a very thin line.. do yourself a favor and remember simplicity is key." - Ryan D
20130607
grindin'
"must be nice to be where you're standing, while I'm grasping every little bit of air, supply and demand and I couldn't manage it, inner thoughts like cancer and I couldn't handle it, buttery fingers couldn't even grasp it, hide with makeup and still couldn't mask it, constant struggle with hate but i'm not mad at it, fell in love once though and i'm not havin' it. stay grindin'" - Ryan D
20130605
helpless romantic or was it hopeless ?
"A tramp, a gentleman, a poet, a dreamer, a lonely fellow, always hopeful of romance and adventure." - Charlie Chaplin
Hands intertwined while the drops of water hit in their mysterious drum pattern on the windshield. The weather was cold so it seemed only natural for them to hold each other close, closely knit together as if to never fall apart, never seeing an end, no stop signs, no speed bumps, no dead ends. A loop that would and could possible continue on for a lifetime if the pieces were right; as if they were jigsaw pieces fallen in places for each other, a perfect fit.
Questionable at times, though thoughts do overwhelm when the idea of ones "perfect fit" actually existed. A complete opposite of ones self or someone of likeness. It's always a constant struggle to whether or not we're destined for someone, destined for what many would call a soul mate.
Interestingly speaking in one of Plato's dialogues; the story goes that humans were creatures of four arms, four legs, both male and female genitalia, as well as a face split into two: one more masculine while the other more feminine. Sometime after Zeus and the other gods had defeated the Titans; they figured, why not destroy the humans as well, but knowingly needing the humans for tribute, they decided to split them in two, one female and the other male. It's said that when finding their connecting piece, the two experience a bond like no other, the happiness between the two can never be felt anywhere else. A small and simple tale, food for thought at that.
I'm probably just babbling on about ignorance from a well intoxicated mind, though I must admit, I am a hopeless or rather helpless romantic at that. I wonder what other piece could there be for myself. Trust, is what a friend had told me once, she explained; trusting in my own understanding would be my downfall, stand fast and believe in the impossible, and trust in things I do not understand.
"I wonder if my matching puzzle piece fell off the table or something.." - Ryan D
Hands intertwined while the drops of water hit in their mysterious drum pattern on the windshield. The weather was cold so it seemed only natural for them to hold each other close, closely knit together as if to never fall apart, never seeing an end, no stop signs, no speed bumps, no dead ends. A loop that would and could possible continue on for a lifetime if the pieces were right; as if they were jigsaw pieces fallen in places for each other, a perfect fit.
Questionable at times, though thoughts do overwhelm when the idea of ones "perfect fit" actually existed. A complete opposite of ones self or someone of likeness. It's always a constant struggle to whether or not we're destined for someone, destined for what many would call a soul mate.
Interestingly speaking in one of Plato's dialogues; the story goes that humans were creatures of four arms, four legs, both male and female genitalia, as well as a face split into two: one more masculine while the other more feminine. Sometime after Zeus and the other gods had defeated the Titans; they figured, why not destroy the humans as well, but knowingly needing the humans for tribute, they decided to split them in two, one female and the other male. It's said that when finding their connecting piece, the two experience a bond like no other, the happiness between the two can never be felt anywhere else. A small and simple tale, food for thought at that.
I'm probably just babbling on about ignorance from a well intoxicated mind, though I must admit, I am a hopeless or rather helpless romantic at that. I wonder what other piece could there be for myself. Trust, is what a friend had told me once, she explained; trusting in my own understanding would be my downfall, stand fast and believe in the impossible, and trust in things I do not understand.
"I wonder if my matching puzzle piece fell off the table or something.." - Ryan D
20130603
kim kold is ripped!
I saw this short film some time ago, classic perception of two people on absolutely different sides of the train tracks. It's interesting how complex the situation slowly develops, a murky past for the main character brought along by usual family drama. Short films as such amaze me as to how deep such a story can portray.
Analyze for yourself, find an experience within the story, find a relation, if anything learn something.
"brilliance in cinema." - Ryan D
Analyze for yourself, find an experience within the story, find a relation, if anything learn something.
"brilliance in cinema." - Ryan D
20130602
all the places..
"You know you could be mistaken me for somebody else.." - Made In Heights
Lately, I've had this strange habit to just drift into nowhere, drift into a kind of limbo. Something of how a person gets lost at a continuous though soothing melody within a song. Honestly the best way I could actually describe it is via video:
So follow me here; listen carefully, after the entire drum intro you hear something of an electric piano piece continuously repeated through the song, it's as simple as that, the drift, relaxing, different, something separate from your everyday life you know? This particular song though does hit to the heart, listen carefully to the lyrics and I'll leave things as simple as that today.
"If the past could forgive all adults God forbid throwing stones like a kid make your way so easily." - Made In Heights
"Sometimes.." - Ryan D
Lately, I've had this strange habit to just drift into nowhere, drift into a kind of limbo. Something of how a person gets lost at a continuous though soothing melody within a song. Honestly the best way I could actually describe it is via video:
So follow me here; listen carefully, after the entire drum intro you hear something of an electric piano piece continuously repeated through the song, it's as simple as that, the drift, relaxing, different, something separate from your everyday life you know? This particular song though does hit to the heart, listen carefully to the lyrics and I'll leave things as simple as that today.
"If the past could forgive all adults God forbid throwing stones like a kid make your way so easily." - Made In Heights
"Sometimes.." - Ryan D
20130530
quickie.
Your heart is racing as she steps in the room, the crowd is loud and heavy, though silence falls upon you as you seem to stare, she's moving simple and natural though it seems like she's gliding to meet with her friends. You're not sure what exactly to do, how to gather the nerve to talk to her; ask her name, buy her a drink, get her number, maybe even take her home. She's beautiful, gorgeous, probably everything you would ever want in a woman.
She notices you're checking her out and she's comfortable with it, she's use to the attention though she's not cocky with it, so she simply smiles back at you in order to return your "omfg" gesture.
You don't anything, you completely lose yourself in the what could have been, should have been, would have been moment and never see her again..
"I do hate it when that happens." - Ryan D
She notices you're checking her out and she's comfortable with it, she's use to the attention though she's not cocky with it, so she simply smiles back at you in order to return your "omfg" gesture.
You don't anything, you completely lose yourself in the what could have been, should have been, would have been moment and never see her again..
"I do hate it when that happens." - Ryan D
Questions? Comments? Concerns? Advice?
"So there's this girl this guy likes though he's not exactly sure how to go about it, he's not shy, just some how some way lost all confidence in himself because of something irritatingly tragic, while at the same time, completely guarding himself from anything closely resembling connections with people. Questions? Comments? Concerns? Advice?"
20130529
music/LIFE
"Music is a moral law. It gives soul to the universe, wings to the mind, flight to the imagination, and charm and gaiety to life and to everything." - Plato
Every beat, every drum, every sound; they all seem to collide to make serenity, music. When actually visualized, looked at, compared and contrasted, music is something of life. Strangely look around, we are all simple "beats" different and dynamic "sounds" walking around. Though combined as a community we are more, we sing our own songs, our own lyrics, our own soundtrack.. . ..
"Simple as that, you're with your loved one; walking, talking, holding hands, smiling, kissing, loving; you've got your own platinum record going on right there, keep it flowing.." - Ryan D
Every beat, every drum, every sound; they all seem to collide to make serenity, music. When actually visualized, looked at, compared and contrasted, music is something of life. Strangely look around, we are all simple "beats" different and dynamic "sounds" walking around. Though combined as a community we are more, we sing our own songs, our own lyrics, our own soundtrack.. . ..
"Simple as that, you're with your loved one; walking, talking, holding hands, smiling, kissing, loving; you've got your own platinum record going on right there, keep it flowing.." - Ryan D
who is the fairest?
Drops and drops and drops fall down out of the shower head, hot water leaving its steamy residue on your body as you gather your thoughts, gather your mind, there's no sound, just the white noise you here while showering, the ideas placed in your mind are all reflections of yourself, of your life, of your day. You're there to clean up from the past, you're there to put the pieces back together and make ready for the future. Like a pit stop in a race; refuel, restock, and ready.
The steam has filled the room and it's completely fogged and dazed; as if you've fallen into another world, another setting. You look in the mirror and you're not sure what you see; your reflection in the mirror or someone else? Someone you strive to become or someone you absolutely loath? So many things could run through your mind, though you're looking and searching, you're trying to figure things out. Trying to learn from mistakes made in the day, missed opportunities and such.
Wiping the moisture from the mirror just barely able to see your eyes; it's clear, it's truth, the eyes will never lie, they show the true character of people, they separate the wolves from the sheep, they show the caged animals that people are, and the ones which still roam free. You're struggling for answers, struggling for a key, though the best thing to do right now is simple to finish cleaning up from the day and be ready for what comes next.
"mirror mirror on the wall.." - Ryan D
The steam has filled the room and it's completely fogged and dazed; as if you've fallen into another world, another setting. You look in the mirror and you're not sure what you see; your reflection in the mirror or someone else? Someone you strive to become or someone you absolutely loath? So many things could run through your mind, though you're looking and searching, you're trying to figure things out. Trying to learn from mistakes made in the day, missed opportunities and such.
Wiping the moisture from the mirror just barely able to see your eyes; it's clear, it's truth, the eyes will never lie, they show the true character of people, they separate the wolves from the sheep, they show the caged animals that people are, and the ones which still roam free. You're struggling for answers, struggling for a key, though the best thing to do right now is simple to finish cleaning up from the day and be ready for what comes next.
"mirror mirror on the wall.." - Ryan D
20130523
what is the key?
"That's the thing about depression: A human being can survive almost anything, as long as she sees the end in sight. But depression is so insidious, and it compounds daily, that it's impossible to ever see the end. The fog is like a cage without a key." - Elizabeth Wurtzel
Does it mask itself in happiness? Does it fake each smile? Does it linger in your thoughts? Does it leave you feeling alone? A continuous battle entails between myself and depression is what I find, though we all have our own high's and low's, right? The battles are persistent, most of the time they're nights waking up with cold sweats, gasping for air, grasping for life back, grasping for some sense of peace.
However, control is the key, keeping in control even when events turn unfavorable, even when life itself has stripped itself naked showing the scars and bruises, showing the blood and tears. As if keeping in mind simple slogans "keep calm and return fire" or "keep calm and kill zombies" or "keep calm and chive on" my personal favorite "keep calm and drift on".
I've found that at one point I had enormous amounts of armor; metaphorical shields which portrayed myself something of a prideful asshole, though as soon as it was all stripped, as soon as everything had unraveled and I had no choice but to maintain, find control within my own foundations, diagnose the issue, fix the problem, and move on. Easier said than done, though simply put.. shit happens, and you've only got two choices, a fork in the road.
In my departure, I'll leave you with some music.. (sorry for the errors, i didn't proof read, hah..)
"keep calm and climb higher." - Ryan D
Does it mask itself in happiness? Does it fake each smile? Does it linger in your thoughts? Does it leave you feeling alone? A continuous battle entails between myself and depression is what I find, though we all have our own high's and low's, right? The battles are persistent, most of the time they're nights waking up with cold sweats, gasping for air, grasping for life back, grasping for some sense of peace.
However, control is the key, keeping in control even when events turn unfavorable, even when life itself has stripped itself naked showing the scars and bruises, showing the blood and tears. As if keeping in mind simple slogans "keep calm and return fire" or "keep calm and kill zombies" or "keep calm and chive on" my personal favorite "keep calm and drift on".
I've found that at one point I had enormous amounts of armor; metaphorical shields which portrayed myself something of a prideful asshole, though as soon as it was all stripped, as soon as everything had unraveled and I had no choice but to maintain, find control within my own foundations, diagnose the issue, fix the problem, and move on. Easier said than done, though simply put.. shit happens, and you've only got two choices, a fork in the road.
In my departure, I'll leave you with some music.. (sorry for the errors, i didn't proof read, hah..)
"keep calm and climb higher." - Ryan D
20130522
boredom's blackhole of doom.
"The two enemies of human happiness are pain and boredom." - Arthur Schopenhauer
Interesting how I write; it's as if ideas continuously regurgitate themselves from my mind into ink, paper, notes, pads, journals, perhaps even one day a narrative of collective ideas. Though for now, I simply feed my addiction, as if I were in the slow stages of something bigger, the beginning stages of some drug related problem causing mind boggling words turned into sentences as I'm faded from the bliss of life itself.
A friend told me today; "You write but when you end, it's as if you just stop." I thought as I walked out, it's true, almost all of my entries seem like fragments, as if I've truthfully gone brain dead or lost track; perhaps I've fallen asleep on you secretly and I'm really just finishing each entry in the morning. Whatever it is I'm not exactly sure, things just seem to clash into a black hole, a freeze of ideas, something of sort.
Here's unfortunately another end of ideas, a break of boredom, though I'll take it all into consideration and learn, hopefully this entertains you while you're sitting in your most private intimate enclosed locations surrounded by soaps, a rubber duck, and toilet paper.
I'll leave you with Jeni singing a "Suit and Tie" cover; as I go brainstorm for something worth reading..
"gentlemen good night, ladies good morning." - Ryan D
Interesting how I write; it's as if ideas continuously regurgitate themselves from my mind into ink, paper, notes, pads, journals, perhaps even one day a narrative of collective ideas. Though for now, I simply feed my addiction, as if I were in the slow stages of something bigger, the beginning stages of some drug related problem causing mind boggling words turned into sentences as I'm faded from the bliss of life itself.
A friend told me today; "You write but when you end, it's as if you just stop." I thought as I walked out, it's true, almost all of my entries seem like fragments, as if I've truthfully gone brain dead or lost track; perhaps I've fallen asleep on you secretly and I'm really just finishing each entry in the morning. Whatever it is I'm not exactly sure, things just seem to clash into a black hole, a freeze of ideas, something of sort.
Here's unfortunately another end of ideas, a break of boredom, though I'll take it all into consideration and learn, hopefully this entertains you while you're sitting in your most private intimate enclosed locations surrounded by soaps, a rubber duck, and toilet paper.
I'll leave you with Jeni singing a "Suit and Tie" cover; as I go brainstorm for something worth reading..
"gentlemen good night, ladies good morning." - Ryan D
20130520
women
"Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for him." - Groucho Marx
I owe a lot of what I am from learning experiences of complexity to things of such simplicity, to women. Amazing how broken hearts teach you so much about mending; about healing, helping you adapt and overcome to become stronger, more agile. Though not a road taken lightly however, women teach such lessons with ferocity and grace.
Their ability to listen, analyze, and dispense are amazing. Their ability to grasp, break, and destroy are riveting. They know truth in meaning and at the same time have the ability to hide the truth with deception. They're your best ally and if you dare test them, they can be your worst enemy.
So much time has passed; that I've learned so much, it's funny how the women you meet continually change parts of you; whether the meetings were casual or not. I've always come out with a newer perspective, never am I one and the same. From my understanding; I find that in my own self, I've weathered like a building, gotten older, given more prestige, more character from my scars of life that have been placed there so sweetly by women.
"What can I say, I'm a sucker for them." - Ryan D
I owe a lot of what I am from learning experiences of complexity to things of such simplicity, to women. Amazing how broken hearts teach you so much about mending; about healing, helping you adapt and overcome to become stronger, more agile. Though not a road taken lightly however, women teach such lessons with ferocity and grace.
Their ability to listen, analyze, and dispense are amazing. Their ability to grasp, break, and destroy are riveting. They know truth in meaning and at the same time have the ability to hide the truth with deception. They're your best ally and if you dare test them, they can be your worst enemy.
So much time has passed; that I've learned so much, it's funny how the women you meet continually change parts of you; whether the meetings were casual or not. I've always come out with a newer perspective, never am I one and the same. From my understanding; I find that in my own self, I've weathered like a building, gotten older, given more prestige, more character from my scars of life that have been placed there so sweetly by women.
"What can I say, I'm a sucker for them." - Ryan D
20130518
fell asleep...
I usually start these with certain quotes from reputable people, though honestly nothing comes to mind today. I sit here; my last drink of the night, my last smile, my last thought before my mind drifts into a daze of dreams. A daze perhaps leading into nothingness or rather a daze of things I so long for.. .
20130515
what you keep close to your heart.
"I have looked into your eyes with my eyes. I have put my heart near your heart." - Popo John XXIII
Look me in the eyes and tell that I am in fact telling false truths, tell me I'm a liar, tell me I'm a fake. I find it strange how people lose friends and family; people we trust over knowing the truth of them. So many people close to us though it seems that when the chips are down people, they all seem to disappear. What is it with these acquaintances? As if your own personal time and advise were expendable.
I knew a man once; the type one would consider a brother, a friend of everything. Funny how a significant other changes the tides, how several bad decisions lose people you would consider to your heart the closest. Though I suppose all of it is a continuous trial and error service, right? I mean we move through people as if moving "through" people, we're whores to our friends that really are not our friends, they use us as much as we use them, each ounce of energy, dollar, blood and sweat is exchanged back significantly in order for all the same.
I have looked in so many people's eyes and I have known only to myself what they truly want from me, what truly lays deep down in their hearts. Though as much as of a sap I am I've always given in, I've always felt I could find truth in friendship in so many, strange how lessons are learned and time passes.
"Which door to choose? Which friend to choose? Which ally to keep?" - Ryan D
Look me in the eyes and tell that I am in fact telling false truths, tell me I'm a liar, tell me I'm a fake. I find it strange how people lose friends and family; people we trust over knowing the truth of them. So many people close to us though it seems that when the chips are down people, they all seem to disappear. What is it with these acquaintances? As if your own personal time and advise were expendable.
I knew a man once; the type one would consider a brother, a friend of everything. Funny how a significant other changes the tides, how several bad decisions lose people you would consider to your heart the closest. Though I suppose all of it is a continuous trial and error service, right? I mean we move through people as if moving "through" people, we're whores to our friends that really are not our friends, they use us as much as we use them, each ounce of energy, dollar, blood and sweat is exchanged back significantly in order for all the same.
I have looked in so many people's eyes and I have known only to myself what they truly want from me, what truly lays deep down in their hearts. Though as much as of a sap I am I've always given in, I've always felt I could find truth in friendship in so many, strange how lessons are learned and time passes.
"Which door to choose? Which friend to choose? Which ally to keep?" - Ryan D
20130514
would you?
"When I'm no longer young and beautiful." - Lana Del Rey
Beautifully gorgeous; she's everything you want inside and out, as she walks into the room, everything seems to brighten up, everything seems to make sense but at the same time nothing else matters. You're in a trance; it's like those moments where you find yourself just lost staring into oblivion. She's all yours and you're all hers, though what happens 60 years later? Have you made it through every dynamic crisis that each relationship endures? Have you danced your final waltz as you each grow older and apart? Was there truth to your love or was it completely based on the lies so vain?
What is it that attracts the human eye to the beauty and glamor, we continually search for the perfect person on the outside that we forget to console what's within. We're lost in some kind of materialistic conceited plan that we completely forget the foundation of what makes the person. As if staring at a beautiful painting; from sight it looks near perfect, every layer of paint completely connected, each line perfectly placed, a perfect size, perfect shape, perfect everything. Though no one ever sees what's beneath the surface, no one sees what's within; the deterioration of the paper from such poor care, each fiber slowly disassembling, the frame worn out, and the low grade paint used constantly fading away. Quality over quantity one would say; find the beauty in not only one's appearance but what truly makes them beautiful, what their exterior beauty is based on.
"a glimpse of her soul and i thought it would touch me, made me realize she wanted to more than just fuck me, contemplated love but i was unsure, though i still felt lucky, saw the beauty in her eyes, i was honored because she loved me, stay grindin'." - Ryan D
Beautifully gorgeous; she's everything you want inside and out, as she walks into the room, everything seems to brighten up, everything seems to make sense but at the same time nothing else matters. You're in a trance; it's like those moments where you find yourself just lost staring into oblivion. She's all yours and you're all hers, though what happens 60 years later? Have you made it through every dynamic crisis that each relationship endures? Have you danced your final waltz as you each grow older and apart? Was there truth to your love or was it completely based on the lies so vain?
What is it that attracts the human eye to the beauty and glamor, we continually search for the perfect person on the outside that we forget to console what's within. We're lost in some kind of materialistic conceited plan that we completely forget the foundation of what makes the person. As if staring at a beautiful painting; from sight it looks near perfect, every layer of paint completely connected, each line perfectly placed, a perfect size, perfect shape, perfect everything. Though no one ever sees what's beneath the surface, no one sees what's within; the deterioration of the paper from such poor care, each fiber slowly disassembling, the frame worn out, and the low grade paint used constantly fading away. Quality over quantity one would say; find the beauty in not only one's appearance but what truly makes them beautiful, what their exterior beauty is based on.
"a glimpse of her soul and i thought it would touch me, made me realize she wanted to more than just fuck me, contemplated love but i was unsure, though i still felt lucky, saw the beauty in her eyes, i was honored because she loved me, stay grindin'." - Ryan D
20130513
the bird was broken in traffic, and i hesitated.
"Guard well within yourself that treasure, kindness. Know how to give without hesitation, how to lose without regret, how to acquire without meanness."- George Sand
From boot camp; a Marine is taught constantly to make the right decisions and upon making them, they are trained to make the decision without hesitation, it's a sort of ethic which serves as a tool in high stress environments. It's what separates the cowards from the heroes, the weak from the strong, the followers from the leaders.
In comparison to a civilian; we stumble through life hesitant to do the right way versus the easy. Truly, I am guilty of this from time to time. From something as small as hesitating to ask the woman of your dreams out or helping someone on the side of the road with a flat, a complete stranger. We always have those thoughts, "Well maybe..." or "They'll be fine.." or "Someone else will handle it." or "What if she doesn't like me?" Though we all know what comes before; the main ides, the main decisions such as "I think they need help.." or "Maybe I should give her some money." or "I think she's beautiful."
Hesitant; how can be expect to make major decisions in our lives, if at the lowest level of things we find the difficulty of hesitation? Though with practice as in so many other things, though trial and error, we learn. We adapt and overcome, we use what we know and act more with humility towards others, we act bold, we act passionate, we act something of sort of heroes.
"When God himself lets you in the doors of heaven, will you hesitate then?" - Ryan D
From boot camp; a Marine is taught constantly to make the right decisions and upon making them, they are trained to make the decision without hesitation, it's a sort of ethic which serves as a tool in high stress environments. It's what separates the cowards from the heroes, the weak from the strong, the followers from the leaders.
In comparison to a civilian; we stumble through life hesitant to do the right way versus the easy. Truly, I am guilty of this from time to time. From something as small as hesitating to ask the woman of your dreams out or helping someone on the side of the road with a flat, a complete stranger. We always have those thoughts, "Well maybe..." or "They'll be fine.." or "Someone else will handle it." or "What if she doesn't like me?" Though we all know what comes before; the main ides, the main decisions such as "I think they need help.." or "Maybe I should give her some money." or "I think she's beautiful."
Hesitant; how can be expect to make major decisions in our lives, if at the lowest level of things we find the difficulty of hesitation? Though with practice as in so many other things, though trial and error, we learn. We adapt and overcome, we use what we know and act more with humility towards others, we act bold, we act passionate, we act something of sort of heroes.
"When God himself lets you in the doors of heaven, will you hesitate then?" - Ryan D
20130512
as long as i've got my suit and tie..
"If there hadn't been women we'd still be squatting in a cave eating raw meat, because we made civilization in order to impress our girlfriends." - Orson Welles
Above and beyond, that's what we tend to do, we've got our "suit and tie" mentality when it comes to first dates. Our second and third; they're never as intriguing, as intense, as nerve wrecking. It's really interesting to view these strange habits. Funny how it's always been like this, how we struggle on our first dates; fumbling through our selection of cologne, selecting the right songs on our ipods, trying to figure the right places to take this person, just the simply trying to impress.
What we find in ourselves are all these self motivating task being setup by us in order to try and grasp the situation. We're struggling hard, but what we find is we are excelling to become greater for a person than what they know of us. Impressing his or her heart in order to leave something lingering in their minds, their thoughts, and their hearts.
What I find we however struggle with is those simple second and third dates; we begin to become complacent, simply because we're use to the person. It's noticeable even when relationships become long term from 2-3 years even. We're bored of the person, that spark of madness, that spark of energy which made them love us so much has withered away, we're lazy and such. Though honestly; these days, I feel as if with certain life lessons, I would not want to lose someone I've tried to impress so much and so sincerely.
"It's difficult to lose someone; not entirely the best feelings in the world." - Ryan D.
Above and beyond, that's what we tend to do, we've got our "suit and tie" mentality when it comes to first dates. Our second and third; they're never as intriguing, as intense, as nerve wrecking. It's really interesting to view these strange habits. Funny how it's always been like this, how we struggle on our first dates; fumbling through our selection of cologne, selecting the right songs on our ipods, trying to figure the right places to take this person, just the simply trying to impress.
What we find in ourselves are all these self motivating task being setup by us in order to try and grasp the situation. We're struggling hard, but what we find is we are excelling to become greater for a person than what they know of us. Impressing his or her heart in order to leave something lingering in their minds, their thoughts, and their hearts.
What I find we however struggle with is those simple second and third dates; we begin to become complacent, simply because we're use to the person. It's noticeable even when relationships become long term from 2-3 years even. We're bored of the person, that spark of madness, that spark of energy which made them love us so much has withered away, we're lazy and such. Though honestly; these days, I feel as if with certain life lessons, I would not want to lose someone I've tried to impress so much and so sincerely.
"It's difficult to lose someone; not entirely the best feelings in the world." - Ryan D.
20130509
week of happiness
"I am determined to be cheerful and happy in whatever situation I may find myself. For I have learned that the greater part of our misery or unhappiness is determined not by our circumstance but by our disposition." - Martha Washington
"be sincere and steadfast, and do not be impetuous in time of adversity." - Sirach 2:2-3
Delightful; it's strange but lately I have been extremely delightful, nothing seems to bother me, and I've acquired this peculiar facial feature that one would call a "smile". Strangely everyone seems to think I've found the love of my life, gotten laid, or won the lottery, though unfortunately none of the answers above equal up to an answer of my complete and utmost understanding of "Why I am happy."
The friction of every day speed bumps have hit so many times, it's as if I've traded a slammed car for a jacked bronco; can't feel any of the bumps on the road these days. It's not as if I've become completely reckless and such, in a manner where I just don't care to give a damn, I understand the consequences of several of my actions I decide to take, ergo; I haven't been reckless or anything, just happy. Simply, I wake up with a smile and I fall back asleep with one.
It's as if I've come to terms with several tedious situations; things which I finally understand cannot be changed via my own personal quick willed force. Certainly, what we want, what we ask for in this life, who we strive to be, or rather our purposes can only be found in time; patience in time of hardship and challenge is key to success.
As everyone will continue asking "Why are you so happy?" I'll simply reply with a smile keeping my secrets to myself. Nothing more, nothing less; they'll continue to speculate what's happened and I'll happily walk away.
"conversations so nostalgic, love never lost just classic, beautifully beyond like magic, and she's staring at you; so you're weak in the knees, heart drops and time is subtle, take the moment to breath cause you'll never know if it's your last, a smile connects and a bit of life is craft. stay grindin'" - Ryan D
"be sincere and steadfast, and do not be impetuous in time of adversity." - Sirach 2:2-3
Delightful; it's strange but lately I have been extremely delightful, nothing seems to bother me, and I've acquired this peculiar facial feature that one would call a "smile". Strangely everyone seems to think I've found the love of my life, gotten laid, or won the lottery, though unfortunately none of the answers above equal up to an answer of my complete and utmost understanding of "Why I am happy."
The friction of every day speed bumps have hit so many times, it's as if I've traded a slammed car for a jacked bronco; can't feel any of the bumps on the road these days. It's not as if I've become completely reckless and such, in a manner where I just don't care to give a damn, I understand the consequences of several of my actions I decide to take, ergo; I haven't been reckless or anything, just happy. Simply, I wake up with a smile and I fall back asleep with one.
It's as if I've come to terms with several tedious situations; things which I finally understand cannot be changed via my own personal quick willed force. Certainly, what we want, what we ask for in this life, who we strive to be, or rather our purposes can only be found in time; patience in time of hardship and challenge is key to success.
As everyone will continue asking "Why are you so happy?" I'll simply reply with a smile keeping my secrets to myself. Nothing more, nothing less; they'll continue to speculate what's happened and I'll happily walk away.
"conversations so nostalgic, love never lost just classic, beautifully beyond like magic, and she's staring at you; so you're weak in the knees, heart drops and time is subtle, take the moment to breath cause you'll never know if it's your last, a smile connects and a bit of life is craft. stay grindin'" - Ryan D
sunglasses
"With my sunglasses on, I'm Jack Nicholson. Without them, I'm fat and 60" - Jack Nicholson
An exceptional amount of creation has been made within the human society, it's so interesting how we've created so many facades between our family, friends, and associates. There's always a different set of sunglasses to put on, never are we capable of being ourselves these days, as if our originality places us at insecure lines we wish not to cross.
Interestingly I've noticed the creation of one facade which I've fabricated for myself, one which I put on when around women I like and are in fact interested in. I'm pretty sure this is common among several people; completely acting like someone you're not when you're trying for a certain person, in truth, we're afraid. Afraid that perhaps the intimate side of ourselves would not be accepted by someone else, truth in that, it's simple, I fear women that I like.
The art of "spontaneous-ism" is one which catches us when falling; while trying to act like someone completely different, the simple mistakes of tripping and falling, or spilling red wine on your white shirt, as much as someone continues to wear their shades on, they're still unable to keep their eyes from showing, allowing their true selves to reveal.
I'm working on it though; working on not being so nervous, so worried. Quite frankly, it's all as simple as being true to yourself, taking of those glasses and letting everyone see who you are. There's nothing wrong with insecurities, but there is something wrong with letting them hold you back.
"the water maybe deep but it's either sink or swim." - Ryan D
An exceptional amount of creation has been made within the human society, it's so interesting how we've created so many facades between our family, friends, and associates. There's always a different set of sunglasses to put on, never are we capable of being ourselves these days, as if our originality places us at insecure lines we wish not to cross.
Interestingly I've noticed the creation of one facade which I've fabricated for myself, one which I put on when around women I like and are in fact interested in. I'm pretty sure this is common among several people; completely acting like someone you're not when you're trying for a certain person, in truth, we're afraid. Afraid that perhaps the intimate side of ourselves would not be accepted by someone else, truth in that, it's simple, I fear women that I like.
The art of "spontaneous-ism" is one which catches us when falling; while trying to act like someone completely different, the simple mistakes of tripping and falling, or spilling red wine on your white shirt, as much as someone continues to wear their shades on, they're still unable to keep their eyes from showing, allowing their true selves to reveal.
I'm working on it though; working on not being so nervous, so worried. Quite frankly, it's all as simple as being true to yourself, taking of those glasses and letting everyone see who you are. There's nothing wrong with insecurities, but there is something wrong with letting them hold you back.
"the water maybe deep but it's either sink or swim." - Ryan D
20130507
the fall
"it was pride that made angels into devils; it is humility that makes men as angels." - Saint Augustine
There was a young man, or shall we say boy; who lived a "microwave aged" life. Cash earned was cash spent, life was placed in a "fast lane" motion, he felt untouchable; always daring for someone to cross his path. He was loyal to his friends and family; the type of loyalty that would earn someone who offends a trip to the hospital and a knee brace, violence was second nature, pride was everything, respect and humility were misunderstood. Pride was everything to him, he lived and breathed a lifestyle which would only lead to the bottom.
Along came a girl; the story eventually sets itself up for love, passion, certain attributes that take course in a relationship, though all of it a volcano waiting to erupt. Friends are lost, family ignored, ideals have changed, pride still lingers, and a child is born. Though a father, still a boy. Scraping around to make ends meat, unable to cope with the stresses of life, unable to understand humility, pride takes root, a relationship is broken, and a child lives two separate lives. Though not the ending; but rather the beginning, the beginning of a boy to a man.
You see this boy had lost everything; he was several thousands in debt in not only currency of the pocket but currency of his soul as well. No path of reconstruction was set forth, no trail was meant to lead up, nothing but a broken heart, broken dreams, "A life torn to pieces.." he would mutter. He would continually blame himself over and over, he had no love for himself to begin with, so how could he learn to love a woman or let alone anyone else? He couldn't, his actions reflected his feelings, his feelings were nothing close to love, he acted like an ass; an ass towards his family, an ass towards someone he cared about so much..
Rock Bottom-The culmination of a descent to a place where a person has nothing left to lose in terms of possessions, status, wealth and perhaps even shelter, food and warmth as a result of self-destructive behavior.(via Wikipedia)
There are only two paths to take when you've finally hit rock bottom; the first: to climb, climb back up, realize truth over lies, rebuild yourself, resolve yourself, adapt and overcome all the trouble and become better than you were before.. The second: simply put, fail, fail to the point you're unable to take it anymore, to the point where you're not shy of a bullet to the heart.
Funny how when you've got your back against the wall you find the help in the most unlikely people. People who secretly have had relating chapters in their lives and have come out of it with their chest up; walking tall. Friends you never would have expected that choose to stand by you, and family that understand the duty and faith of blood. In these people this boy was able to grow into a man and continue to grow morally in his heart and soul.
I find it strange how a course of certain events can change a boy to a man, change one's life completely around, starting from absolute rock bottom. This young boy developed some kind of appreciation and understanding for certain attributes a human should have such as love and humility, allowing him to become a better person; a man. No more high and mighty pride, no more anger, no more disgust, never a judge, respect for everyone, jealousy nonexistent, self aware and disciplined, faith built, morally obligated, accepting of everyone though careful of the company kept, back never turn, and humility found.
Now the story doesn't end for this young man; there's no happy ending, no damsel in distress saved, no treasure found, just a continued goal to be a better person. Challenges arise for him each and every day, and it's all a matter of choosing to do things the right way over the easy, choosing to climb higher versus slipping down, choosing to push forward even when you're tired, even when the burden of the world overcomes you, you just take the next step forward..
"You've got to be more humble son.." - My Father
"don't regret anything you've been through; if it didn't happen, you would never be the same person you are now, there's purpose in our mistakes and faults, there's purpose in our fears and doubts, there's purpose in our failures." - Ryan D
There was a young man, or shall we say boy; who lived a "microwave aged" life. Cash earned was cash spent, life was placed in a "fast lane" motion, he felt untouchable; always daring for someone to cross his path. He was loyal to his friends and family; the type of loyalty that would earn someone who offends a trip to the hospital and a knee brace, violence was second nature, pride was everything, respect and humility were misunderstood. Pride was everything to him, he lived and breathed a lifestyle which would only lead to the bottom.
Along came a girl; the story eventually sets itself up for love, passion, certain attributes that take course in a relationship, though all of it a volcano waiting to erupt. Friends are lost, family ignored, ideals have changed, pride still lingers, and a child is born. Though a father, still a boy. Scraping around to make ends meat, unable to cope with the stresses of life, unable to understand humility, pride takes root, a relationship is broken, and a child lives two separate lives. Though not the ending; but rather the beginning, the beginning of a boy to a man.
You see this boy had lost everything; he was several thousands in debt in not only currency of the pocket but currency of his soul as well. No path of reconstruction was set forth, no trail was meant to lead up, nothing but a broken heart, broken dreams, "A life torn to pieces.." he would mutter. He would continually blame himself over and over, he had no love for himself to begin with, so how could he learn to love a woman or let alone anyone else? He couldn't, his actions reflected his feelings, his feelings were nothing close to love, he acted like an ass; an ass towards his family, an ass towards someone he cared about so much..
Rock Bottom-The culmination of a descent to a place where a person has nothing left to lose in terms of possessions, status, wealth and perhaps even shelter, food and warmth as a result of self-destructive behavior.(via Wikipedia)
There are only two paths to take when you've finally hit rock bottom; the first: to climb, climb back up, realize truth over lies, rebuild yourself, resolve yourself, adapt and overcome all the trouble and become better than you were before.. The second: simply put, fail, fail to the point you're unable to take it anymore, to the point where you're not shy of a bullet to the heart.
Funny how when you've got your back against the wall you find the help in the most unlikely people. People who secretly have had relating chapters in their lives and have come out of it with their chest up; walking tall. Friends you never would have expected that choose to stand by you, and family that understand the duty and faith of blood. In these people this boy was able to grow into a man and continue to grow morally in his heart and soul.
I find it strange how a course of certain events can change a boy to a man, change one's life completely around, starting from absolute rock bottom. This young boy developed some kind of appreciation and understanding for certain attributes a human should have such as love and humility, allowing him to become a better person; a man. No more high and mighty pride, no more anger, no more disgust, never a judge, respect for everyone, jealousy nonexistent, self aware and disciplined, faith built, morally obligated, accepting of everyone though careful of the company kept, back never turn, and humility found.
Now the story doesn't end for this young man; there's no happy ending, no damsel in distress saved, no treasure found, just a continued goal to be a better person. Challenges arise for him each and every day, and it's all a matter of choosing to do things the right way over the easy, choosing to climb higher versus slipping down, choosing to push forward even when you're tired, even when the burden of the world overcomes you, you just take the next step forward..
"You've got to be more humble son.." - My Father
"don't regret anything you've been through; if it didn't happen, you would never be the same person you are now, there's purpose in our mistakes and faults, there's purpose in our fears and doubts, there's purpose in our failures." - Ryan D
20130505
hey pretty girl
"time moves faster than you think.." - Kip Moore
There are so many times that I just lay here and wonder where all that time went, kind of like that feeling where you're blindsided in a car, you looked left and right and the light is green, though some how you missed something and there it is, a 2007 GMC Yukon ramming into your left fender, everything slows down as you experience a different perception from all the adrenalin pumping in your veins, the air bag hits you and you don't feel a thing, all you can remember is the driver reversing and leaving you in one of those annoying hit and run positions.. Comparing life to a car ride, I find it interesting in the perspective of how I've just cruised along for such an extended period of time which it finally leads me to random speed bumps, stop signs, road blocks, and car accidents. Though that is the name of the game; life. John Lennon said it, "Life is what happens while you are busy making other plans." As simple as it sounds, it's true.
I feel like I've made so many other investments, so many road maps, so many plans in order to take me in different directions, though somehow someway I'm always steered into somewhere I would never have expected. I find it strange though, I've always enjoyed planning for the future, I've always been fond of the being spontaneous, spontaneously or randomly choosing your path in a fork in a road, flip a coin why not? Let a gamble of fate take your hand to settle you in your future destiny.
"it's not where you are, it's where you're going." - Ryan D
There are so many times that I just lay here and wonder where all that time went, kind of like that feeling where you're blindsided in a car, you looked left and right and the light is green, though some how you missed something and there it is, a 2007 GMC Yukon ramming into your left fender, everything slows down as you experience a different perception from all the adrenalin pumping in your veins, the air bag hits you and you don't feel a thing, all you can remember is the driver reversing and leaving you in one of those annoying hit and run positions.. Comparing life to a car ride, I find it interesting in the perspective of how I've just cruised along for such an extended period of time which it finally leads me to random speed bumps, stop signs, road blocks, and car accidents. Though that is the name of the game; life. John Lennon said it, "Life is what happens while you are busy making other plans." As simple as it sounds, it's true.
I feel like I've made so many other investments, so many road maps, so many plans in order to take me in different directions, though somehow someway I'm always steered into somewhere I would never have expected. I find it strange though, I've always enjoyed planning for the future, I've always been fond of the being spontaneous, spontaneously or randomly choosing your path in a fork in a road, flip a coin why not? Let a gamble of fate take your hand to settle you in your future destiny.
"it's not where you are, it's where you're going." - Ryan D
20130502
passion
"if passion drives you, let reason hold the reins." - Benjamin Franklin
I find it strange that I come back here to write again, revisit thoughts and ideas of what once was, what once could have been, should have been, or would have been.. It feels like there have been so many lost words, lost notes, lost ideas that have all just disappeared through time. As if seeing a long lost brother or friend from your childish past.. I've never stopped writing, whether it had been on screen or a diner napkin, but I did forget to figuratively pick up the phone and call my old friend once in a while.
Passion; writing has always been my passion, though some where some way so much of me has been broken from an emotional and spiritual standpoint, where I've come to a fork of either climbing from rock bottom or damning myself into the failures of life. What is it about losing everything? That puts your back against the wall and forces you to make choices that can either make or break oneself.
It's strange to start over..
"coming home again." - Ryan D
I find it strange that I come back here to write again, revisit thoughts and ideas of what once was, what once could have been, should have been, or would have been.. It feels like there have been so many lost words, lost notes, lost ideas that have all just disappeared through time. As if seeing a long lost brother or friend from your childish past.. I've never stopped writing, whether it had been on screen or a diner napkin, but I did forget to figuratively pick up the phone and call my old friend once in a while.
Passion; writing has always been my passion, though some where some way so much of me has been broken from an emotional and spiritual standpoint, where I've come to a fork of either climbing from rock bottom or damning myself into the failures of life. What is it about losing everything? That puts your back against the wall and forces you to make choices that can either make or break oneself.
It's strange to start over..
"coming home again." - Ryan D
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